Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
