my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
