You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
