Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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