Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
