I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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