is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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