Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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