So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
