All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I have vodka in my lungs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
