I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I would fuck him just for his dog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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