Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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