fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
