just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
