I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
