you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
