i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
