Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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