Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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