I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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