woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
