Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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