Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
