You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
