I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
