ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
