I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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