I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
