bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
