Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
