There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
