Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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