Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
