A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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