I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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