my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
