i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
