I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
