i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
