Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
