the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
