her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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