why do cheetos always look like penises
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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