i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
