Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
