She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize