My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize