Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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