im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
