and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
