In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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