Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
