There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
