come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
