so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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