i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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