Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
