Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
