wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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