Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
