i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
