he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
